Obituary of Common Sense
Today, we mourn the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense.
Sense lived a long life, but died from heart failure at the brink of
the Millennium. No one really knows how old he was since his birth
records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He selflessly
devoted his life to service in schools; hospitals, homes, factories and
offices, helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness.
decades, petty rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits held no power
over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons
as to know when to come in from rain, the early bird gets the worm and
life isn’t always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound
financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn), reliable parenting
strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it’s okay to
come in second.
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the
Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense
survived cultural and educational trends including feminism, body
piercing, whole language and new math.
But his health declined
when he became infected with the
“if-it-only-helps-one-person-it’s-worth-it” virus. In recent decades,
his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing
He watched in pain as good people became
ruled by self-seeking lawyers and enlightened auditors. His health
rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero tolerance
policies; when reports were heard of six year old boys charged with
sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; when a teen was suspended
for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch; when a teacher was fired
for reprimanding an unruly student. It declined even further when
schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student
but couldn’t inform the parent when a female student is pregnant or
wants an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live
as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses,
criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal judges
stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional sports.
the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept
informed of developments, regarding questionable regulations for
asbestos, low-flow toilets, smart guns, the nurturing of Prohibition
Laws and mandatory air bags.
Finally, when told that the
homeowners association restricted exterior furniture only to that which
enhanced property values, he breathed his last.
was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust; his wife,
Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son Reason. His three
stepbrothers survive him: Rights, Tolerance and Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
Taken from my brother who took it from puffin.com/fun