Professorial Wisdom

Yall–it is like 105 degrees out there!  What’s really good! 
Wow–Nevada must be hot people.  I just woke up from a nap and I’m
so flipping sleepy that I don’t know what to do but I’m hoping that
I’ll wake up enough to actually get some work done.  Right now all
I want to do is lay back on my bed and close my eyes.  Oi! 

For those of you nerd-type people out there, here is a sampling of a
collection of professorial science/math quotes that I found
particularly humorous.  Enjoy!  And try not to fry.

I would point to a periodic table, but we don’t have a periodic table.
We just have Jesus. [V.U. is a Catholic university, and so most classrooms
have a crucifix in them.]

Hi. I’m a professional astronomer. But that doesn’t get me a beer at a
hog rally. That’s why I carry this. *holds up Harley Davidson (owners?)
card* [Said in credit card commercial style.]

A sandwich is just a sandwich, but a Bromwich is an inverse Laplace
transform.
Let’s write down who shot Sam.
What’s a minus sign between friends?

This should be enough work to keep you off the streets and out of the
pool halls.
If you want to really get rid of an enemy, all you have to do is renormalize
his wave function to zero over all space and time. Then, not only does he
not exist now, but he never *did* exist!
What is murder but retroactive abortion?
Meddle not with dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

The goal of physicists is to find a use for every branch of mathematics.
The goal of mathematicians is to invent a new field of mathematics that has
absolutely no practical use.

Numerical integration be damned!

You just play this simple little thumb game and you’ll get your orbitals.
OK?

When you take a mixed melting point, mix the two solids by grinding and
scraping them with your spatula, and you keep grinding and scraping them with
your spatula, and you form little lines, and you’ve seen them do this on
Miami Vice many a time.

I’m telling you how to build an airplane and you’re asking me how to fly it,
so let’s hold off on that question for now. [Making an analogy between the
current topic of lecture and a student’s question.]

Now look guys, you’re younger than I am. Your ability to integrate should be
relatively unharmed by the passage of time.

About papillion

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