If something is worrying you, always do something about it. It doesn’t have to be the big thing that will make it disappear. It can be any small thing. But the effect it will have on you will be enormous. You’ll have done something.
– Steve Chandler, “100 Ways to Motivate Yourself”
I was pissed today. I’ve been pissed for two days now. Not straight through mind you. Just at moments. I learned something yesterday that pissed me off. Learned that a friend of mine kept something from me that he shouldn’t have. And because of certain added factors, this “omission” hurt me even more than maybe it would have if they didn’t exist. It’s funny that when I get mad all I wanna do is punch the lights out of the person who pisses me off. Everytime I think of him, I wanna take my fist to him.
He made me feel like an ass. And when I get mad I get crunk. So I’ve been funneling my hot red anger into my work-out. And it’s working. I come home un-angry.
So it’s small. And it’s nothing new. I’ve been working out for a little bit now, it’s just that now when I go work-out I listen to 50 Cents and pretend that I’m a gangsta. And it helps. I won’t ever smoke weed, do a drive-by, pop someone in the face, gun someone’s momma’s house down–but sometimes just listening to the music helps a sista out.
So even thogh I can’t actually hit him. Even though I have to be friendly (what he didn’t tell me should be happy news) and congratulate him, I know that I will pull away from him. I will shut my heart to him. And that’s that yall.
Don’t play a sista like that…especially when what you keep secret changes the whole manner of our relationship!!! Don’t play with me dawg…YOU DON’T KNOW ME!!! And I don’t have time to mess around. Tomorrow I could be called up to the heavens so do me right, because I ain’t got to be yo friend. I ain’t got to be yo confidante. I ain’t got to kick it with you. I was cool before you. I’m a be aight after you.
I don’t go back to what hurts me. I don’t return to someone who takes me for granted. I don’t remain what you knew me as when we were cool. Before you decided to change the flavor of this relationship. Dawg—don’t get it twisted. You don’t know me…you DON’T know me!