What a man is contributes much more to his happiness than what he
has. What a man is in himself, what accompanies him when he is
alone, what no one can give him or take
away, is obviously more essential to him than everything he has in the
way of possessions, or even what he may be in the eyes of the world.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Last night I prayed. I hadn't
talked-talked to God about the pathetic state of my disheveled heart
because I was too ashamed. And last night I just talked to Him
about all that was going on inside me. This morning I woke up
calm, at peace and collected. In fact Triple Threat came to the
kitchen as I fixed my oatmeal to check my emotional index as the past
few days I've vacillated from anger to sadness depending on which
"side" I arose from the bed.
I don't know what He did last night as I slept. I don't know how
He did it, but the anger that burned inside me is gone. The odd
mixture of sadness and shame that was linked to my past crush doesn't
lay as heavy on me. In fact, it's as if it's been lifted off my
shoulders. I feel exonerated. I'm glad that He lives within
me--to make me, mold me, change me such that I am of sterner stuff than
a broken heart.
I'm glad I serve Jehovah-Shalom. I'm glad I serve the God of the
Universe who cares enough about my small broken heart to pick up the
pieces and wrap them in his merciful and compassionate love even when I
don't understand the wheres or whys of how my heart was broken.