The Bible says that I must always be able to give account of my faith.  And there’s nothing like being roped into a discussion on evolution and creationism to ruin my day.  Why?  Because I feel like I’m running a gauntlet.  Somehow or other whenever I’m around certain types of people I end up having to discuss my faith.  Now most people wouldn’t have a problem with that if they had all the answers.  And you know what?  I don’t.  I don’t even have half the answers. 

Carbon dating versus literal aging of the world by counting through the years of the Bible?  Did the sun really stay in its place like the Bible says?  The Old Testament God versus the New Testament God–are they the same?  What about slavery?  Does the Bible really say that God is “omnicient”? 

Why can’t I believe what I believe and not have people question me all the time?  I’m at Basic Christianity 101–Jesus Christ is my Savior.  He’s my God.  How can I live a life that pleases Him?  Instead I end up in these conversations where my mind is scrambling to find ways to explain my belief system.  If anything it makes me feel inadequate and useless.  I’m not ashamed of my faith–I just don’t feel like I have enough to answer the doubters.  Stuff that should be basic for me but isn’t. 

I feel like I’ve spent so much of the past few years just trying to get my mind, soul and spirit together and now what I have to do is to defend my faith with people who want to say that it’s possible God could have used evolution to create man.  How in the world do I answer that?  I don’t know enough about evolution to know how to answer that query.  And so I stand there, desperately wishing that I could just lay down something huge–anything so that I don’t look like I don’t know my own belief.  So that people won’t look at me and say that I don’t know what I’m believing and that how can I say what I say without proper evidence?  How can I represent God this way?

I think I’m going to cry.


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3 responses to “useless

  • liondaughter

    The problem is I’ve found most people who like to argue about evolution aren’t doing so from a place of wanting to learn about other belief systems. They’re people who “don’t like” Christianity for whatever reason and get their jollies over making Christians look stupid.

    Don’t waste your time, sweetheart. *hugs*

  • millennialhippy

    I think the biggest peace religion has ever given me is that I don’t need all the answers to move forward.

    I’ve gotten so good at speaking people’s ‘language’ that when/if they discover a deeper part of me, they nearly go ballistic trying to account for such a perceived jagged disharmony of beliefs. I avoid a lot of ‘deep’ conversations because of this. I withhold my opinions often, because I frankly don’t think most people are capable of accepting (muchless understanding) the necessities of personal belief.

    And that goes for everyone from the Pope to the most militant secular scientist. We all make judgments about others; we all, to some degree, try to fit each other into structures (connections, associations, desires, beliefs) that make sense to us.

    For every one Jesus Christ, there are millions of people who have served him and try to serve him. I doubt he means the same to anyone. I’m sure that was even more clear when he was alive and walking around. And perhaps it’s something we forget now that he isn’t. Even Charles Darwin respected and believed, at the height of his discoveries. Did he believe the same thing as you or me? Hardly.

    But what is important to me is that no matter what questions Darwin asked, what answers he sought, what organization of the world best suited and excited him, he still recognized the heart of that passion for what it was. He still was brought to his knees in awe of something far greater than how genes were passed on. Genetic fitness is only an artifact of life. It is not life itself.

    I -do- know enough about Evolution to speak with people who like to throw around words and feelings. But I don’t bother, because if they really wanted peace and answers, they’d know better than to ask other people for them. =)

    It isn’t your responsibility. Please don’t feel that way.

  • Anonymous

    Dearie- You have to remember that you’re a pointer to Him. He has all the answers… that’s why He bears the “God” title. It’s frustrating when you feel as though you aren’t the most knowledgeable representative, but don’t let the frustration get you down. Turn the questioning into motivation to learn a bit more.

    You are one of the most knowledgeable people I know, but remember that you are a work in progress. Sometimes we are given tests to show us holes in our understanding. While disconcerting, it should really be taken as part of your growth. J and J just happened to pick at ONE part of your faith that you’re still learning. Allow the author of all knowledge who invites questions to speak to their hearts.


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