Yesterday, I Cried

Yesterday, I cried.

I came home, went straight to my room, sat on the edge of my bed,
              kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra,
              and I had myself a good cry.

I’m telling you,
            
I cried until my nose was running all over the silk blouse I
                      
got on sale.
             I cried until my ears were hot.
             I cried until my head was hurting so bad
                       
that I could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues lying on
                       
the floor at my feet.

I want you to understand,
              I had myself a really good cry yesterday.

Yesterday, I cried,
               
for all the days that I was too buy, or too tired, or too mad
                          to cry.
I cried for all the day, and all the ways,
                and all the times I had dishonored, disrespected, and discon-
                          nected my Self from myself,
                only to have it reflected back to me in the ways others
                          did to me
                the same things I had already done to myself.
I cried for all the things I had given, only to have stolen;
              
for all the things I had asked for that had yet to show up;
              
for all the things I had accomplished, only to give them
                         
away, to people in circumstances,
              
which left me feeling empty, and battered and plain
                        
old used.
I cried because there really does come a time when the only thing left
           for you to do is cry.
Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because little boys get left by their daddies;
              
and little girls get forgotten by their mommies;
              
and daddies don’t know what to do, so they leave;
               and mommies get left, so they get mad.
I cried because I had a little boy, and because I was a little girl, and
              
because I was a mommy who didn’t know what to do, and
              
because I wanted my daddy to be there for me so badly until
                          
I ached.
Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because I hurt.  I cried because I was hurt.
I cried because hurt has no place to go
              
except deeper into the pain that caused it in the first place,
              
and when it gets there, the hurt wakes you up.
I cried because it was too late.  I cried because it was time.
I cried because my soul knew that I didn’t know
               
that my soul knew everything I needed to know.
I cried a soulful cry yesterday, and it felt so good.
It felt so very, very bad.
In the midst of my crying, I felt my freedom coming,
Because
Yesterday, I cried
                 with an agenda.

–Iyanla Vanzant

About papillion

Intense Often Moody Transparent Exquisitely sensitive Animated Never satisfied Curious Eternal Romantic Creative Devotedly Christian Encouraging Multi-layered Loving Quick Judge Critical Forever evolving View all posts by papillion

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