i spent some time by myself today. it wasn’t too difficult a feat to accomplish. i watched movies and then some anime. somewhere in the midst of this activity i remembered what it felt like to be in my own head without pain. it was good to be there. to be in a place where i was just me, just me, just me. and nobody else was there with me. i sat in front of the tele and watched movie after movie and then i started to channel surf. it’s been a long time since i was quiet–in my space, mind calm, heart not bleeding.
it can be easy for my heart to bleed on occasion. and i don’t always know what to do with it. it doesn’t have to bleed a lot, in fact it’s more like the drip drip of a small paper cut. press on it and you find some more blood. let it be and it will clot on its own. either way, it hurts and then it itches, constantly reminding you of its existence. and we all bleed. it just depends on what we choose to do with that bleeding.
so no bleeding today. i can’t promise that for tomorrow but for today, it’s enough. for today, it’s good.