A man comes into the ER and yells, “My wife’s going to have her baby in
the cab!” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s
dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that
there were several cabs — I was in the wrong one.
–Dr Mark MacDonald, San Antonio TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. “Big breaths,” I
instructed. “Yes, they used to be,” the patient said with remorse.
–Dr Richard Byrnes, Seattle WA
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, “Cover your
right eye with your hand.” He read the 20/20 line perfectly. “Now your
left.” Again, a flawless read. “Now both,” I requested. There was
silence. He couldn’t even read the large E on the top line. I turned
and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was
standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to
finish the exam.
–Dr Matthew Theodropolous, Worchester MA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
had died of a “massive internal fart.”
–Dr Susan Steinberg, Manitoba Canada
During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble
with one of his medications. “Which one?”, I asked. “The patch. The
nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running
out of places to put it!” I had him quickly undress and discovered what
I hoped wouldn’t see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying
a new one.
–Dr Rebecca St Clair, Norfolk VA