a good friend of mine once told me that i don’t rest in my dreams; i expend more energy in them than during the day.   i laughed but it’s true.

i’ve never had non-vivid dreams.  all my dreams come attached with deep emotions.  most of the time they are incredibly vivid with colors/tastes/smells that overwhelm me.  i wake up feeling as if i have lived more in my dreams than in real life.  as if real life is muted somehow.  

i have heard that artsy/creative people often have striking dreams.  

it is hard to describe the intensity of my dream states.  

hard to understand them.  hard to fully express how they leave me feeling–drained, keyed up, confused, at odds with the world.  it is hard to explain how difficult it is to release them–let them go.  it is as if my emotions are so strong that they can only fully be in my dreams.

i do not understand them.  sometimes they are beautiful, sometimes horrid, occasionally lurid.  

at other times impressions and imprints.

i have decided to catalogue my dreams.  they are too much to be kept hidden–locked up.

now i pour them into the anonymous space of the net.  in this way i leave them outside of myself.

and do not carry them.


About papillion

Intense Often Moody Transparent Exquisitely sensitive Animated Never satisfied Curious Eternal Romantic Creative Devotedly Christian Encouraging Multi-layered Loving Quick Judge Critical Forever evolving View all posts by papillion

4 responses to “dreams

  • millennialhippy

    Interesting — I decided not to share or write down my dreams because reliving them that would would strengthen the connections and make it easier for me to return (harder for me to escape)… but I yield to the psychiatry resident!!

    You put it well though — I live so much more deeply in my dreams. I feel things there that I’ve never been able to feel outside them. Real life indeed feels muted, and for that reason I am more than a little bitter towards my dream. On the other hand, I’m also extremely protective. They are something no one else can take from me, can share with me.. it is a powerful, exclusive sense of individuality and control. I wake up every morning feeling like I’ve lived. I am not afraid of life. I am not afraid of death. But I am tired of carrying pandora’s box.

    • ladylord

      no yielding necessary. whether or not you write them down is a matter of personal preference. for me, it lets me release them so they don’t shuffle about inside my brain.

      how do you see dreaming as a pandora’s box?

  • snadius

    Love it. My fam and friends have said that very thing to me almost word for word: how do you get rest at night with the way you dream?

    All of the senses are involved, incredibly vivid and real. Detailed, graphic, I can feel the temperature in them and everything. Amazing to read of someone who dreams in a similar manner. I’m going to follow this blog 🙂

    • papillion

      I often awaken and then fall back asleep. My rest seems to come more so from those hours after my dreams than before or during the dreams. I’ve wished that I didn’t dream – LOL, it hasn’t come to pass. Maybe one day it will?

      And yourself? When do you rest? Planning on following? Well, one word of caution – there’s a lot in here ;^) Been blogging many a year. Prithee, how did you find me on this vast internet of ours? Be well!

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