after orientation today the only new 2nd year started crying. she apologized for her tears and i gave her a hug. i don’t think she’s used to breaking down like that but she was pretty overwhelmed. after we did some orientation on the call schedule and such we took a tour of the psych hospital and i think it really got to her. the stress of starting new, of starting residency, of the sheer amount of information we have to assimilate, of the responsibility of taking care of people’s mental lives, of not seeing her family–of it all. it got to her. i understand where she’s coming from.
on separate occasions two of the other interns have confided in me of their personal agitation and anxiety concerning residency. everyone’s got some level of anxiety with some bordering on tears. probably has to do a lot with the kind of interns we have. most of them are older with families or time away from medicine. it makes them particular about the questions that are asked and anxious about the whole process. at the same time though i think it will make us all more compassionate, sensitive and willing to help one another through this tough process.
me? i’m a bit nervous, sure but i know that this is where God wants me to be and as He brought me here, He’s going to get me through it all! that’s my faith and even if i complain bitterly at any point in the next 4-6 years, well, i’ll always know that God is a God of His Word. especially given how He uses me to encourage random people.
this morning i met a bank teller who was opening my account. we started chatting and i said something that touched her soul and she revealed to me how she had been struggling over a decision to move on in management. it would appear that God used me to confirm what she had been praying over. she said she doesn’t usually open up easily, not e’en to her husband (!) but she sensed a certain spirit in me that she trusted. amazing. God is still using me. and that, that is a praise in and of itself. why? ’cause i’ve been feeling really useless lately.
moving down here to miami without any existing support system was much more difficult than even my first dismay would have led me to believe. i miss my friends like crazy. not a day goes by that i don’t think of someone. not a day goes by that i don’t think of what someone would say in response to a given situation, scene or thought that pops up.
it’s more than being l’inconnu. it’s the newness of everything. the plucking up of my sense of comfort from one environment to another. the confusion of things not happening in the manner in which i would like. it’s the feeling of uselessness as stuff is thrown in my direction and i can’t effectively change those situations. case in point: my coordinator sent me the wrong florida board of medicine form. how do i know this? b/c last week friday one of the orientation coordinators informed me that i needed to redo my application. hunh? well, turns out there are slight differences in the form my coordinator sent versus the one the board sent and as a result i had not received my licensure number.
that means that i’m not only am i unable to practice as a physician (i’m supposed to take call on Saturday) ; i can’t get my id, my badge, my meal tickets, my parking tickets, my scrubs, my white coats, my computer passwords, my paycheck or my scripts for prescribing meds. how’s that for complete coverage?
oh well. i can’t sweat it. i’ve been through much worse situations and God has seen fit to bring me out of them stronger than ever. and the good not so good aspect of this situation is that i’m not the only one in the program who has this problem. acc to one of the chief residents there are four of us. wow. makes me feel a little better.
call: overnight period in the hospital
crisis: pyschiatric er
night float: late night shift from 6p-6a
inpt: inpatient ward (patients are admitted and spend time until medically or mentally cleared for discharge to home, nursing home, rehab etc)
outpt: clinic time when patients come to see physicians for regularly scheduled visits
va: Veterans Affairs (military personnel)
call for July is interesting. since we are all new, they have to switch things around for us. i am on call five times this month at crisis. i have a long call this weekend from 7A Sat to 7A Sun, two short calls from 4:30-10P two thursdays in a row, one Sunday from 7A to 7p and one Sunday from 7p to 6a Monday.
my first month will be one of the psych inpatient teams in the VA followed by crisis night float during august. wow…jumping in head first
i haven’t done much mixing with Magic City people. t’other night a gentleman in the car next to me informed me that he was enjoying my jazz and today on my way here to the library after orientation and a spot of chai with one of the other interns, my brilliant smile led to one of the laborers to stop, smile back and wave at me. gosh, i needed that. so today was a day of God’s blessings. as WP would say, kisses from God