transitioning

What does it mean to feel old for you? I mean for me feeling old means the heaviness of responsibilities of paying bills, earning money, taking care of family, watching college friends get married and GASP have kids!!!!  HUNH???
 
It feels like I have no person per se to lean on like when I was small.  When Mommy died I felt like an orphan and nowadays I don’t know if it’s just that I don’t want to deal with issues anymore but I’m feeling more like I don’t want to deal with issues! LOL.  Like do I want a mortgage for a condo?  WHAT??!!!  That’s what parents do, not young people like me…
 
I want to be taken care of really–and I guess the whole superwoman thing works but for so much of your life and then you want to say, "honey, can you drive us to the dinner party tonight?"  Maybe growing up means I want to be a little lazier?  Not think so much about everything on my own.  In that sense medical school spoiled me.  It allowed me to open up to people and develop deep relationships that enmeshed my affairs with others–now I’m missing that–even though it came with its fair share of headache.  aaaaah–people, can’t deal with ‘em and can’t deal without ‘em.  I’m homesick for the womb of da burgh though I realize that Miami holds many beautiful persons and situations in store.
 
It’s been rough around the edges here–waiting for a training license (too much drama to recount by email), looking for an apt, trying to find my way around this city etc.  I’m feeling discombobulated actually and hoping I will finally be able to settle down and start truly enjoying Miami in a couple of months.
i wonder how my other friends are faring with the transition?

About papillion

Intense Often Moody Transparent Exquisitely sensitive Animated Never satisfied Curious Eternal Romantic Creative Devotedly Christian Encouraging Multi-layered Loving Quick Judge Critical Forever evolving View all posts by papillion

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