delayed gratification

There are days when I am sure that life is passing me by.  When I see my friends moving, marrying, multiplying and I think that I’m missing out on something.  It is as if they are the actors on the screen and I am the viewer, gooey chewy candy in hand, staring entranced.  When the movie ends and I blink, stretch and look around me I am not sure what I should be doing.  If you ask me now what I’m supposed to be searching for I couldn’t tell you but I could tell you there’s a vague dissatisfaction that spoils my "good times".

Some part of me wants to spend her days traveling around the world, meeting new people and seeing fascinating things.  Some part of me wants to live the "good" life, with a nice apt and nice things.  Some part of me wants to have all my friends move within an hour’s drive of me, ready to go partying or beaching or walking around a park.  Another part of me wants to do something exciting like be an actress in a movie, or write my own play or do voice-overs for cartoons.

I can’t seem to find the gratification in what I am doing now.  I know it’s another part of the training process and I think I’m just a bit weary of "training"; esp when I see my friends who aren’t "training" anymore.  I want to be pampered, to be spoiled, to be romanced by someone I actually have feelings for and to be allowed room to breath.  Are my friends pampered, spoiled and romanced?  No, not necessarily but their lives seem so much more "happening" than mine.  Then again, the proverbial grass is always greener, isn’t it?


About papillion

Intense Often Moody Transparent Exquisitely sensitive Animated Never satisfied Curious Eternal Romantic Creative Devotedly Christian Encouraging Multi-layered Loving Quick Judge Critical Forever evolving View all posts by papillion

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