Vanilla & Grapefruit

It’s a warm, November Sunday in Miami.  The strong winds are blowing in, casually hinting at sun-drenched beaches and golden sands some miles off–as I munch on Grandma’s Vanilla Mini Cookies and stare at pictures of Friendster "friends" on one of the computers in the psychiatric ER.  I’m on call today–12 hours from 7A-7P……………………

It’s been relatively decent here today and I’ve got a few minutes to myself, so I check my emails, hoping for someone to send me something cute and non-psychiatric.  Or tell me that they want to come visit me in Miami sometime soon.  Or tell me that they’ve found a million dollars and want to share with me.  Or tell me that they’ve found the man of my dreams–a hidden jewel…………….

I don’t know.  I’m in a whimsical wondering vanilla and grapefruit scented mood.  The kind of mood that could be tipped into a bittersweetness, or a tart regret.  Maybe it has to do with the fact that the eyes of one of my patient’s reminds me of the last guy I loved.  Or that I finally met a guy from the same country and region as him.  Or that it’s fall and I can’t tell b/c there are no auburn and gold flame tipped trees, leaves falling off like sparks on a fire.  Or that it’s almost Thanksgiving and I’ll be spending it here, in Miami–away from my family and long-time friends.  Or that I’ve been missing my Mommy (a hole in my chest) and wishing she were physically here to share my life, instead of watching over me.  Or maybe it has to do with seeing other people find love, marry and bear children; while I sit in front of my television, watching the hilarious antics of MASH 4077.  Or maybe it has to do with the changing of the seasons that bring me closer to my milestone 30th………………………………………………

It’s strange b/c I’m sure there’s someone out there who every once in a while thinks I’m living THE LIFE!  Thinks that all is wonderful for me now that I’m a doctor, living in Miami, doing psychiatric consults at the beach and mesmerized by the laughing eyes of a hot Cuban dancer………………………….

Dang, I think I might just cry….. 

About papillion

Intense Often Moody Transparent Exquisitely sensitive Animated Never satisfied Curious Eternal Romantic Creative Devotedly Christian Encouraging Multi-layered Loving Quick Judge Critical Forever evolving View all posts by papillion

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