Pawns on a Chess Board

That’s what it feels like we are–in this residency program of mine. Pawns.

Attendings with long histories of feuding use us against one another, splitting us, turning us into covert spies, demanding to know where we’ve been and with whom. They pour their venom on us, expecting answers that we don’t know and compassion we can’t have for their misguided martyr senses.

I have had it up to my eyeballs in office politics. I’ve never had to deal with so many superegos and primadonnas with such hard-core pathologic natures. I’m drained. I have to walk fine lines between different Attendings, never knowing when what I say may be misconstrued and used against me in a kangaroo court.

Don’t let me suggest something. For the most part what I suggest about the program, if said to the wrong person, will come back to haunt me. Behind the scenes shady deals go on where administration trade off residents cards, insisting on one person receiving x while another gets y.

My two chief residents don’t stand up for us. Instead they tell us to be professional, do what’s right for the patient and try not to get involved between two feuding parties. You tell me how to do that when I don’t even know what can and will set them off? You tell me how I’m supposed to deal with an Attending who asks me why I was going to the Psych ER and then when I inform her that I went to talk to the Director of the ER, starts rhetorically asking why the residents like the ER so much, why they don’t care as much for the units where work is done, why they can’t see how much they learn on the units yada yada yada.

Uhm, when you’re walking in mine field, every step is potentially life-threatening.

I don’t want to be forced to sit and listen to someone spew about other people’s ineptitude while providing them with positive feedback. What’s positive about you trashing people? What’s positive about you constantly ranting on how ill used you are? For goodness sake, you’re the head of the inpatient unit! What in the world is the problem? If you don’t like being given extra patients, then just say so; that’s what the others do and you know what, they seem pretty happy.

If you don’t know why the residents don’t present to you, maybe it’s because they can’t find you for hours at at time. Maybe you are so lost in your own world that they can’t sit to present six, seven patients at a time to you while the baskets in both triage and the back are filling up to dangerous levels. And you’re fudging about patient management, about your role in what goes on and then hanging the residents to dry might be reasons why they don’t like being with you when you’re on call.

I don’t know. I’m not a sponge. My role as a resident is not to control you. You are a grown human being. It’s not my duty to caress your ego, explain your shortcomings or make up for your faults. I’m sorry. That’s NOT my purpose!

Good Heavens! These people are driving me mad!!!!

I can’t wait until I go off-service for six months and have a breather from this madness.

About papillion

Intense Often Moody Transparent Exquisitely sensitive Animated Never satisfied Curious Eternal Romantic Creative Devotedly Christian Encouraging Multi-layered Loving Quick Judge Critical Forever evolving View all posts by papillion

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