alone with my thoughts

can be dangerous, especially after 24 hour call.

i come home and end up only sleeping for a few hours, waking up and feeling out of sorts.  in today’s case it may have to do with the fact that i would like to go be around people but unlik da burgh, it would involve a great deal more effort and more friends ;^).

sigh.  perhaps i have general doldrums about postponing some of my dreams.  i’ve got to do something to get meself out of them.  like take a year long vacation around the world maybe?  yeah, i know, i know–the old wait and soon all will be well.  dude, that’s something i’ve been telling myself for YEARS.  not to say wonderful events haven’t occured in my life but today i’m wishing i didn’t have to face my own thoughts–by myself.

i didn’t go to church today which bummed me out.  i was debating going and ended up sleeping instead.  sometimes i think i overthink life.  oh and add that i didn’t sleep all that well either.  i haven’t been sleeping well for a while now.  maybe it means there’s something bugging my mind.  who knows.

you know those days when you’re like dang…don’t i wish there were some way to distract myself from myself?  but be around people i love at the same time?  i mainly keep in touch w/ folks via telephone, email or chatting but the other day i realized that i was tired of calling people on the phone.  i’m tired of hearing voices and not being around persons.  i’m due for a vacation.

i’ve got to find a way to switch my call this friday.  i had already switched but the guy who was gonna take it, realized that he was on call this saturday–so back to square one.  i’ve called around but haven’t been able to find anyone and if worse comes to worse, i’ll have to do some serious finanglings to get it off cause i gotta go to hotlanta and support my lil bro.

that should be like a mini-vacation.  only for a while i was stressed ’cause i hadn’t seen him in almost two years and i haven’t lost much weight.  i know, i know but i was hoping to be slimmer to impress him and his cronies.  then again, being an MD is impressive in and of itself right?  (don’t get me started on body/weight/excercise issues).  i’ve seriously thought about gastric bypass surgery recently.

have you noticed that when you’re busy, with other people and actually having a good time that is when people call you?  but let it be a dreary day filled with doldrums and not only does nobody call you BUT nobody’s even home. 

i think i shouldn’t be such a people person.  that way i wouldn’t miss people so much.


About papillion

Intense Often Moody Transparent Exquisitely sensitive Animated Never satisfied Curious Eternal Romantic Creative Devotedly Christian Encouraging Multi-layered Loving Quick Judge Critical Forever evolving View all posts by papillion

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