leveling the playing field

So I think that being in this apt is wearing me down, esp since that last incident with the plastic bag.  As I tend to obsess about life, I’ve begun obsessing about finding a new apt.  I’ve gotten some stuff from rent.com but I’ve hesitated to actually go check those places out mostly b/c I work during the day and am bushwhacked at nght.  Since I don’t have weekends (I’m on call 24 hours tom till Sunday am); it makes for difficult going.  Sigh. 

I’m feeling a bit nonplussed today.  I’m definitely tired of thinking about all the things that I have been thinking about:

apt
car
bills
work
trying to relax and be calm
friends not here
my Christian walk
travelling

It’s good to talk to friends about these sorts of issues that creep up inside my head in such a large way.  I find that always calms me down and forces me to lift my mind out of the dumps.  I feel like screaming “aaaargh” right now.  I also feel like my sleep cycle is off. 

I came home early today with the intent of maybe hanging out with my cuz from ATL but she’s got some serious fun plans (water oriented goodness) and as I’m on call I may not see her while she’s down here.  Traffic is horrendous getting down to South Beach and my funds are a bit dry right now.  IN fact that’s one of the things that has me so down–is my money mismanagement. 

I honestly need to stop “small shopping” b/c it’s the death of me.  I keep going to WalMart/Family Dollar/dining out/movies and buying stuff for the apt that I don’t necessarily need and then not logging it down leads to less monies than I originally thought.  I was doing well back in January and part of February but recently I’m spending waaay too much on living.  Granted, Miami is an expensive place to live but dangnabbit!  I need to get it together!  I’ve got to learn how to be miserly with my money.  I’ve got to develop a budget!  I need to download one of those programs that helps you budget.  I’ve never been good with money–that’s a fact but it’s coming down to the wire now and as I don’t believe in playing the lotto and I don’t have time to go off and get a second/part-time job; well it’s time to pinch the waistline.

I’m also finding that my “friends” here have some serious issues.  Not that I don’t already know this but whew–I’m going through that phase of friendship where you’re scratching your head wondering what in the world people are up to. 

So how am I gonna go and check out these apts?  I know that when I start DOING and stop thinking, I’ll feel better.  I always do!  And when I start massing cash I’ll feel better.  It will take about 2 months to amass $2000 cash-money.  Which you know what–isn’t bad.  There was a time in my life that that kind of money didn’t come on a biweekly basis so PRAISE GOD that I’m even getting paid!

When did I turn into such a downer? A pessimist?  When did I have such difficulty looking on the BRIGHT side of life?  Well, I could speculate but I don’t need to turn into a watering hole now.  No siree.

Uhm, so where was I?  I took a nap today–not great sleep but some.  I’m on call tomorrow and I think that always makes me feel ungood.  I probably need to be out of my house.  In some kind of pleasanter weather.  Not cooped up.

About papillion

Intense Often Moody Transparent Exquisitely sensitive Animated Never satisfied Curious Eternal Romantic Creative Devotedly Christian Encouraging Multi-layered Loving Quick Judge Critical Forever evolving View all posts by papillion

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