Would you like some sauce with that?

So after a few false starts, I spoke with a man (whom I will call Abongoman) I met at the Ghana Celebration.  We started our conversation around the usual, getting to know you type of deals (such as the fact that he’s like 40 years old, is divorced, has a kid…whoa)  but like most men who can’t actually ask a woman anything in a straight-forward manner, he tried to assess my relationship status.  He started off by asking me who I was here in Miami with, “your mom, dad, kids, husband”.  [Please note that children come before husband]  I told him I was in the states w/ my immed family but in Miami with myself, at which point to assuage his conscious he proceeded to ask me again w/ whom I was living in Miami and I had to state “myself”–no husband, no kids.  Having satisfied his curiosity he proceeds to ask me the following question:

So what do you do if you want to put the sauce on the chalupa?”

Imagine my momentary bewilderment as my brain scanned all available vernacular w/ the purpose of decoding this bit of idiomatic flight of fancy.  Silence as the scan starts.  I asked him to explain himself and he started in with the “oh come on, you knooow…you knoooow.”  And when I asked him again what he meant, he replied with “Oh you know I’m just a joker.  I like to have fun” at which point I decided that a hasty retreat would be apropos and I asked him some other question.  He replied and then promptly asked me the same question.

“So what do you do if you want to put the sauce on the chalupa?”

Again, I asked him what he meant and by now, my scan had hit upon something that might actually explain his hesitancy and yet oddly stubborn manner–“Do you mean SEX?” I asked, my voice rising higher with each word.  Having replied in the affirmative I informed him that as I didn’t have a husband I surely wasn’t going to do anything.  He asked me what about my boyfriends and I told him that I had never had a boyfriend and I wasn’t going to do anything until I got married. 

A digestive pause followed with me waiting to hear what wonderful expression would spew from his mouth.  The only thing that issued were a few words of contemplation–that is a few “hmms ahhhs” that effectively squelched any seductive plans of his.  He couldn’t believe that I had never had a boyfriend and I explained to him that time and opportunity had never combined to create that kind of situation.   In fact he asked me what I did when I had those feelings.  When I told him that I really wasn’t too stressed out about it he seemed rather uncertain so I had to break it down with banku.

Me:       It’s like banku
Him:     okaaay
Me:       If you’ve never eaten banku then you don’t know what it tastes like and you don’t miss it.  Right?
Him:     *understanding setting in*  Oh, okay.  I undastand.

At this point I’m sure he was wondering if I even liked men, so I saved him by saying “I’ve liked guys but hey, it didn’t happen–going to a 60% white male college doesn’t engender much romantic reciprocity.”  The rest of the conversation was more lackluster with him stating that at least I had a friend (implying him) and that our being in different counties didn’t preclude our continuing the friendship as long as we could put gas in the car.  I affirmed this and he then said “Yes, you can come up one day and go back three days later”.  I didn’t respond that that . 

He did ask me that if he were sick, what would I give him?  Would I inject him with a needle?  And I said, well, being a psychiatrist I would just listen to him.  He said if I (meaning yours truly) were sick he would inject me with thick white Penicillin–a comment I deftly ignored more b/c the imagery (esp given his prior words) was too disgusting for me to handle, let alone respond to without getting hostile and demanding him to explain himself.  I figured if I didn’t say anything, he would not make such comments again.

I was saved by the fact that J was calling me on the cell to go and grab dinner.

Oh and incidentally–he hasn’t called back since Monday….hmm, wonder why…


About papillion

Intense Often Moody Transparent Exquisitely sensitive Animated Never satisfied Curious Eternal Romantic Creative Devotedly Christian Encouraging Multi-layered Loving Quick Judge Critical Forever evolving View all posts by papillion

2 responses to “Would you like some sauce with that?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: