I am glad that I am going to move soon.
I am not comfortable in my apt. I come home and I feel isolated. I open the balcony sliding door to the loud thumping sounds of hip-hop or more recently salsa. Police helicopters, paddy wagons and CSI trucks have all been known to make frequent appearances above the air or around the parking lots, respectively. So when I come home, I shut and lock the door immediately. I never realized how living in an open apartment building makes you feel more vulnerable. There’s much to be said for an apt building whose apts open out into a carpet and must be exited via stairs to the outside vs concrete stairs where young people congregate.
I feel rather isolated. I don’t feel comfortable inviting people over for dinner/movie/game night. I realized the other day that not having cable, while good for my pocket book, makes me feel even lonelier. There is much to be said for having access to the outside world through a box. When I want to relax and not think about anything heavy (which is often), television often offers a welcome relief. Right now, I can and do enjoy watching DVDs borrowed from the library or rented through netflix.com h/e neither one has quite the same feel as the 100 or so channels available on regular cable.
In passing this week, I have met up w/ various people and spent a few minutes chatting with them–pleasantly passing the time. I’ve forgotten how stimulating that can be. I mentioned to J that back in da burgh I knew so many people that rarely did a day go by where I didn’t recognize and stop to chat w/ someone while walking to the bus stop, up and down cardiac hill, studying at coffee tree roasters or Starbucks, at the waterfront, anywhere in Oakland or Squirrel HIll — even at church. Somehow my network spread wide enough that I could count on meeting up with someone somewhere at any given time. I miss that.
I’m sure by the end of my four years here I will have that network. Late last month when I would be making rounds w/ the neurology team I would see people that I knew at the VA — most of them non psych residents! So it will happen. It’s always been that way. Back at Case I couldn’t blink w/o hearing my name called out by someone who knew me. It will happen. I just would like it to happen a little faster or if not faster, just need to wait until I can move out of this place. It will happen, God willing, it will happen.