on my end…

from a couple of emails i sent a long-lost friend:

“hey dude, I just realized I never responded.

2nd year is harder than 1st. Clinic twice weekly w/ new patients added each time, call at two hospitals instead of one, supervision in the afternoons, the crunch of finishing all your AM stuff so you can run to the next place. Yeah, it’s much harder. It’s actually our hardest year.

Uhm, not married, unfortunately. Sigh. I don’t know when that will happen. I guess it has something to do with dating and having a boyfriend right? RIGHT! And that would be marvelous. Hasn’t happened though. All my single, black, highly educated female friends and I discuss this issue almost to ad nauseum. We’re not sure when we became personas non gratis but there it is–it’s harder to date someone who shares your values now than e’er before.

LOL! Me? I’m doing the Miami thing. Went to Miami Spice this past weekend (url below). Trying to enjoy the sun as much as possible. It’s really nice having this kind of weather on a regular basis you feel me? And that is such a saving grace! I never realized just how much the sun makes a difference in my mood and general make-up. Listen–it’s wonderful for me–but it’s no joke. There’s so much pathology that you have to deal with, so much tension, anxiety, anger, psychosis, so many delusions (and that’s just the staff LOL) and you really need to be able to release that. Part of the way I release it is when I’m walking outside to my car, being in the sunshine with the puffy clouds and the warm weather–I take big “cleansing” breaths and concentrate on God’s beauty in the natural.

Other than that, I’m trying to travel more you know? It’s become more and more important for me to fulfill some of those life long desires that have been burning in ye olde hearte of mine–including seeing the world. Granted, I can’t see the world in a manner that I would like but I can still SEE the world and that’s the most important aspect. I went to Puerto Rico in June and I’m hoping to go somewhere in September (we get four 1 week vacation periods that we can take anywhere) that I’ve ne’er been before. I also need to drive around this area, go to the Keys, Everglades, Dolphin areas etc and just be in the outside.

Hmmm, what else? I’m trying to take my spiritual walk to a higher level. Hanging out with the Creator God a lot more ’cause I realize just how important it is to be faithful. I’m learning a lot–often He takes me back to the basics in life. Reminds me of His love for me, of His sacrifice–keeps me centered ’cause I have a tendency to expect so much from myself (you know me and my high standards) and while it’s helped me reach some milestones, it also can be a bummer when you can’t celebrate life b/c you’re busy working on the next hurdle. You know? All of my education career has felt like “the next hurdle”, from high school–getting into a good college and then doing well at Case so I can go to a good med school and then at Pitt struggling for soooooo many years just trying to keep my head about the water (again, ALL glory be to God on that one) so I can get into residency. And now I’m here…

It feels kind of weird. It’s like–wait, there aren’t any more “mandated” hurdles right? Now, it’s all about what I want for myself in life. Yeah, there’s Step III and the Psych Boards etc, but that’s so much more individualized than before. So after jumping through flaming hoops of fire and over 20 mile hurdles…what’s next??”



About papillion

Intense Often Moody Transparent Exquisitely sensitive Animated Never satisfied Curious Eternal Romantic Creative Devotedly Christian Encouraging Multi-layered Loving Quick Judge Critical Forever evolving View all posts by papillion

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