Remember how I said that I wasn’t looking forward to today the 19th of October? Well, when I woke up this morning to try and do my Devotional I just didn’t have it in me. Every time I closed my eyes to pray, I kept falling asleep. I dragged myself out of the bed, dragged myself into the shower, dragged myself downstairs to my car and drove almost mindlessly to work.
The whole time I’m ruminating on my Attending, on how tired I am, on how I can’t even pray successfully ’cause all I want to do is to tell the Lord how fatiguing this week and indeed the past 6 weeks have been and finally I prayed one of those “Lord, I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE” prayers right? And yall saw what happened at work right?
Well, I’m upstairs now in the library on my “lunch break” and I’m checking email and guess what’s in the gmail?
October 19, 2007
by Charles R. Swindoll
Those servants who refuse to get bogged down in and anchored to the past are those who pursue the objectives of the future. People who do this are seldom petty. They are too involved in getting a job done to be occupied with yesterday’s hurts and concerns. Very near the end of his full and productive life, Paul wrote: “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith” (2 Tim 4:7). What a grand epitaph! He seized every day by the throat. He relentlessly pursued life.
I know human nature well enough to realize that some people excuse their bitterness over past hurts by thinking: “It’s too late to change. I’ve been injured and the wrong done against me is too great for me ever to forget it. Maybe Paul could press on, not me.” A person with this mind-set is convinced that he or she is the exception to the command to forgive and is determined not to change.
But when God holds out hope, when God makes promises, there are no exceptions. With each new dawn there is delivered to your door a fresh, new package called “today.” God has designed each of us in such a way that we can handle only one package at a time . . . and all the grace we need will be supplied by Him as we live out that day.
“I press on toward the goal.”
What impressed me first were the verses
4“Fear not, for you will (A)not be put to shame;
And do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced;
But you will forget the (B)shame of your youth,
And the (C)reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.
5“For your (D)husband is your Maker,
Whose name is the LORD of hosts;
And your (E)Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel,
Who is called the (F)God of all the earth.
That first clause really got to me b/c part of me has been feeling shamed at work. There’s been so much BASIC psychiatry that I just don’t know and have felt really really upset by my ignorance esp w/ my Attending (who though ranting and raving, is EXTREMELY smart, knows what he’s talking about and holds himself to an exceedingly high standard). And today you know what he said to me? “As long as you learn one thing every day that’s what’s important” and here am I, holding on to my inability to answer his questions from 3-4 days ago! So there was no shame in my ignorance…and I didn’t feel humiliated at all today! So right there, there is confirmation of the grace of God.
Then if you read what Pastor Swindoll wrote, I was struck by the idea of being petty–and I thought to myself just how much I hold on to bitterness and hurt of myself. How much I belittle myself when I expect that I should be at a certain standard and I’m not–for whatever reason.
The second thing that struck me was the entire last paragraph–about God granting us a new day–a new package and how we CAN’T take more than one package at a time. So true! I mean, look at me, upset over what’s happened earlier this week, ridiculously tired in my body and my mind and unable to focus on today’s beauty! Yet, God is giving me another day, a new dawn as it were. And I am designed in such a way that all the grace I need WILL be supplied by Him! What encouragement! Lord knows, I needed this reprieve!
I don’t know what I will do tonight. If I should go and see “American Gangsta” and then sleep, or stay at home, watch a netflix movie and go to bed. I’m on call tomorrow and I think I’ll just stay at da crib…