One of my friends is struggling w/ being alone. She’s always had some sort of male companionship and recently broke up w/ her long-time BF of like a thousand years. Now she’s recommitting herself to the faith, to abstinence and to renewal–all good things. Unfortunately somewhere in all of this is this feeling that now that she’s on the “right track”, God should automatically grant her desire for a husband. That desire, in and of itself is not unusual/difficult but that’s not the issue. The issue is that she’s subconsciously made an agreement w/ God that God never signed on, that if she just played all her cards right then God would produce what she thinks she needs.
God is not a genie.
The other day we had this discussion again where she’s tired of the fact that the more she prays for a husband the more God asks her to look at herself and change. I tried to explain to her that perhaps it wasn’t her time and that she really needs to ask God why He hasn’t provided a husband for her. I did get a little peeved about the situation though. It’s hard sometimes to deal w/ someone who has never been alone for a substantial period of time. Always dating, always being taken care of by someone, always being able to depend on male bonding, on a male taking her around and showing her places and having that companionship and now she doesn’t have that luxury.
Does part of me resent her for that? Do I resent the fact that she’s always had those attachments–always had people to drive her around, to buy her things, to cater to her needs, to flirt w/ her and make her feel special in that way that only men can? Naaah. What I DO resent is how firmly she’s holding on to that belief that she needs someone to complete her to the point of not being able to see the beauty in being single.
Now I’ll be the first person to say that it would be LOVELY to have someone around. In fact, I crave it at times; but I also cherish my time w/ myself–with my thoughts, driving around the magic city by myself, going to the stores by myself, buying shoes for me, going to the matinee, hanging out at B&N with my nose in a good comic strip collection, enjoying a pumpkin spice latte at Starbuckles while watching the people stroll by, surfing the net, chatting online w/ a certain male LSU law student who thinks telephoning through the computer is weird, sitting at the park writing postcards, driving through the city late at night while chatting on the cellie.
It upsets me that she’s so caught up in this world of male female bonding that she’s limiting herself. She rarely goes out, stays at home, always says she’s going to do things but often doesn’t. I want her to grow–to find the beauty of living for herself, by herself. Venturing out w/o a companion. I think she’s doing more of that now than when I first met her. And I can’t answer her question why she’s still alone.
I think she’s still alone b/c she needs to heal, to find herself and above all to become closer to God Himself. But that’s just my human perspective. Only The Lord Jehovah knows why she is where she is right now.
I just need some patience, understanding and a whole lotta prayer to deal w/ this. I’ve never dealt w/ it before…