gastronomic giggles



Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it.  ~Author Unknown

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o’clock in the morning.  ~John Barrymore

Red meat is not bad for you.  Now blue-green meat, that�s bad for you!  ~Tommy Smothers

As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices:  take it or leave it.  ~Buddy Hackett

Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.  Lettuce pray.  ~Author Unknown

The bagel, an unsweetened doughnut with rigor mortis.  ~Beatrice & Ira Freeman

My favorite animal is steak.  ~Fran Lebowitz

In Mexico we have a word for sushi:  bait.  ~José Simons

I don’t think America will have really made it until we have our own salad dressing.  Until then we’re stuck behind the French, Italians, Russians and Caesarians.  ~Pat McNelis

Chili represents your three stages of matter:  solid, liquid, and eventually gas.  ~Roseanne, “Don’t Make Me Over,” May 1992, spoken by character Dan Conner

A nickel will get you on the subway, but garlic will get you a seat.  ~Old New York Proverb

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.  ~Mark Twain

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers.  The original meal has never been found.  ~Calvin Trillin

You are what you eat.  For example, if you eat garlic you’re apt to be a hermit.  ~Franklin P. Jones

The story of barbecue is the story of America:  Settlers arrive on great unspoiled continent, discover wondrous riches, set them on fire and eat them.  ~Vince Staten

Training is everything.  The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.  ~Mark Twain

The woman just ahead of you at the supermarket checkout has all the delectable groceries you didn’t even know they carried.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966

Avoid fruit and nuts.  You are what you eat.  ~Jim Davis

The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you’re hungry again.  ~George Miller

I’ll bet what motivated the British to colonize so much of the world is that they were just looking for a decent meal.  ~Martha Harrison

It’s so beautifully arranged on the plate – you know someone’s fingers have been all over it.  ~Julia Child

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

I don’t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
-Johnny Carson

I love Thanksgiving turkey…it’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.
-Arnold Schwarzenegger

I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
-Steven Wright

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.
-Fran Lebowitz

“Green clovers. Blue diamonds. Orange Stars. Pink hearts. Purple horseshoes. Man, I never know if I looking at a bowl of cereal or having another acid flashback.”    — Dave Henry

“Arsenic is edible. Only once.”


About papillion

Intense Often Moody Transparent Exquisitely sensitive Animated Never satisfied Curious Eternal Romantic Creative Devotedly Christian Encouraging Multi-layered Loving Quick Judge Critical Forever evolving View all posts by papillion

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