lots of skin. lots of boobs. lots of butts. lots of tight clothing. slowly i moved toward that direction of more form-fitting clothing, tired of swathing myself in cottony bundles. as i’ve lost weight i’ve been more open to the idea of what i wear and how i wear it. clothing does’t hang from me like it used to but every once in a while i get tired of the fashionably tight atmosphere and my body demands the more comfortable, looser fitting items. today i went for a light orange top quasi Indian shirt and loose black pants w/ my clicky black ballet shoes. i feel good.
there’s an NMA mixer tonight that i would like to attend. i know though that for the most part it will be lots of black women looking super fresh and dolled up. beautiful women w/ form fitting clothing, lots of jewelry and make-up. i have ear-rings and a shell bracelet — both orange in hue. i know i look overall nice, yet i can’t help but wonder if i look too old. it’s not what i really want to look like. and probably my desire to find a boyfriend has something to do w/ this thought pattern. sigh. it’s tiring to think about my look.
sometimes i just want to be calm and comfortable. do i have to be flashy to find somebody? can’t i be me and attract somebody of worth?
i’m not ugly, i know this. why can’t i just go with the flow sometime? sometimes when i try to be glitzy, no one notices and when i’m trying to hide, i shine. today i would love to go out w/ friends. maybe i will instead of going to the mixer??? i really just want to go to B&N and veg out.
called one of my colleagues to see if she wants to hit up cheen huaye. money issues of course. other than that, i’ll go to B&N anyway tonight.
don’t have to go in tomorrow ‘cuz clinic closed so i have a 4 day weekend. woohoo me!
p.s…anyone out there?