lots of skin.  lots of boobs.  lots of butts.  lots of tight clothing.  slowly i moved toward that direction of more form-fitting clothing, tired of swathing myself in cottony bundles.  as i’ve lost weight i’ve been more open to the idea of what i wear and how i wear it.  clothing does’t hang from me like it used to but every once in a while i get tired of the fashionably tight atmosphere and my body demands the more comfortable, looser fitting items.  today i went for a light orange top quasi Indian shirt and loose black pants w/ my clicky black ballet shoes.  i feel good.

there’s an NMA mixer tonight that i would like to attend.  i know though that for the most part it will be lots of black women looking super fresh and dolled up.  beautiful women w/ form fitting clothing, lots of jewelry and make-up.  i have ear-rings and a shell bracelet — both orange in hue.  i know i look overall nice, yet i can’t help but wonder if i look too old.  it’s not what i really want to look like.  and probably my desire to find a boyfriend has something to do w/ this thought pattern.  sigh.  it’s tiring to think about my look.

sometimes i just want to be calm and comfortable.  do i have to be flashy to find somebody?  can’t i be me and attract somebody of worth? 

i’m not ugly, i know this.  why can’t i just go with the flow sometime?  sometimes when i try to be glitzy, no one notices and when i’m trying to hide, i shine.  today i would love to go out w/ friends. maybe i will instead of going to the mixer???  i really just want to go to B&N and veg out.

called one of my colleagues to see if she wants to hit up cheen huaye.  money issues of course.  other than that, i’ll go to B&N anyway tonight.

don’t have to go in tomorrow ‘cuz clinic closed so i have a 4 day weekend.  woohoo me!

p.s…anyone out there?


About papillion

Intense Often Moody Transparent Exquisitely sensitive Animated Never satisfied Curious Eternal Romantic Creative Devotedly Christian Encouraging Multi-layered Loving Quick Judge Critical Forever evolving View all posts by papillion

2 responses to “OUT OF PLACE

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