yeah, i be hatin’…

so i’m sitting here in the outpatient clinic scrolling through crackbook when i see that a “friend” has her own blog.  and i check it out.  and then i remember something that i had forgotten – some people get ALL the breaks!

i met the chick in med school while i was struggling and she was soaring.  like me, she’s from west africa but unlike me her family was alive, she was skinny, had her own apt (bought by parents), cooked well, had a nice sense of fashion, could sing and was rocking the classes.  we were part of prayer group for a while but i always felt that her drama didn’t compare to mine.

yeah, i know that pain is pain – no matter how you slice your arm – but still, did she have to have so much?  then she had the audacity to get engaged and get married. 

she’s not the only one.  i have another friend who got engaged to her med school boyfriend and subsequently has 3 kids. 

am i envious?  do i want to be like them?  nope.  do i wonder why i’ve had to suffer like i have – HECK YEAH!  sigh.  it’s hard enough struggling with your own life – then to turn around and see how others are being blessed?  dude, that’s painful.

sigh.  let’s regroup here.  i gotta say though, that God has blessed me as well.  i don’t drive the latest car, have the most fashionable address or know the “in” people but i also don’t have to take the jag in for repairs Q2weeks, I don’t have to worry about keeping up with the  Sanchez’s and I sho nuff ain’t got to worry about offending any snobbish twit.

my life is blessed in many many ways.  i think i was just hatin’…

BUT and big but here – i figure i recognize my own sorry butt in not having all that i thought i should have.  i recognize that hatin’ don’t get me nowhere but ugly.  i recognize that i don’t hate like i used to – and while i may not be hatation free, i’m not as much of a hata like i used to be!  and THAT is a PRAISE!  cuz frankly, i may be saved but i’m still human…

About papillion

Intense Often Moody Transparent Exquisitely sensitive Animated Never satisfied Curious Eternal Romantic Creative Devotedly Christian Encouraging Multi-layered Loving Quick Judge Critical Forever evolving View all posts by papillion

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