sigh, really?

so i was chatting w/ the desi boi today. and at some point it became about marriage — what it means, how it works etc.

he told me that as he never wanted to get married, he is concerned for her well-being but that’s about it. if she left, he wouldn’t be pressed. and it serves to reinforce the growing notion i’ve had that he cares more about his friends including me then about her.

he tells me he’s lost privacy — she’s insecure about him being around girls who are friends.  i wonder why that is? (insert sarcastic tone here)  he can’t hang out w/ his guy friends like he used to back in the day. but she doesn’t want to know what’s on his mind. and he doesn’t care if she does or doesn’t.

i’ve asked him questions before about her and his answers are kind of vague. and he often says “how should i know?”  and i have finally realized that he truly doesn’t care, doesn’t really make the effort to get to know her or what’s on her mind.  and when i asked him if she wants to know what’s on his  mind — he says no.  she doesn’t ask.

she is the opposite of him, or so he says.

and i think to myself.  here am i.  over a thousand miles away, curious about what his life must be like — in a loveless marriage. and here he is, spilling out his guts to me — no question that i ever ask i off-limits.  yet he doesn’t talk to her like this, she doesn’t ask it of him and he doesn’t care.  but he does that with me.

he tells me that she likes all the “mushy love stuff” and he’s not into that.  yet again, he always had a nickname for me back in the day and now again, he has a nickname for me — actually he’s had two.  so what you say, nicknames are common.  but these are more than nicknames — these are terms of endearment.  aaah, you say.

again, i see that what he tells me and how he relates to me is more akin to how he should relate to her.  i just shake my head over and over again.

how can he not see it yet it is so glaringly obvious to me?


About papillion

Intense Often Moody Transparent Exquisitely sensitive Animated Never satisfied Curious Eternal Romantic Creative Devotedly Christian Encouraging Multi-layered Loving Quick Judge Critical Forever evolving View all posts by papillion

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