pattern?

tonight i was on crackbook.  i was wondering if the boi would pop up and we would chat or go through yahoo msngr.  neither.  so after looking for a bit and chatting w/ other folks I decided to call it a night and then pop, there he is.  we chat for about an hour or so.  then he says — can i call you now?

i’m thinking somethings up.  nope, he just talks to me for another half hour about his mechanical school, about maybe going into police force, about crocodiles in a village in Ghana where the people and crocodiles have an understanding not to harm one another, about his dad getting cataracts and general ribbing of me.

and here i was thinking something was up.  i’m not sure if he wanted to express his concerns about stuff that’s on his mind.  i don’t know.  but tonight is night 2 of long interaction beyond crackbook.

and, well, i am not sure what is happening here.  i am looking at patterns — i don’t want anything to develop again as before.  i am trying to be very careful.  i don’t need my heart to be engaged at all.

i have not grown these 3 years to be ensnared.  i am wiser now than then.  i am healthier.  i am not in love.

what do you do with deep connections?  there are some people in this world with whom you connect.  yet the connection doesn’t make sense.

Father, please keep me from anything unpleasant and bring me my Boaz!!

About papillion

Intense Often Moody Transparent Exquisitely sensitive Animated Never satisfied Curious Eternal Romantic Creative Devotedly Christian Encouraging Multi-layered Loving Quick Judge Critical Forever evolving View all posts by papillion

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