ANGER

it was good to talk about my anger.  i’ve been all kinds of angry today.  angry at my car.  angry at my bank account.  angry at Step III.  angry at my weight.  angry at having to work out tomorrow.  angry at having to pay rent.  angry at having to scrounge around for people to help me get to my car/go the grocers etc.  angry at still having to do this thing and pretend to like it.  angry that i don’t have citizenship yet.  angry that i have to get money to pay for step III.  angry that i have to find a job. angry that i’m weak, fragile, get angry and don’t walk around in a saintly aura.  angry that when i get my period my emotions get a bit wacky.  angry that i might have pms and i don’t want pms though i think i have it.  angry that people are hurting and hurting and hurting.  angry that one of the guys who makes me laugh is unhappily married and not free.  angry that when i think of traveling around the world sometimes i think of him going w/ me and us just being silly and funny and having a good time.  angry that there aren’t others in my life like him so i don’t have to think about being angry with him.  am i angry w/ the Lord? naw, just frustrated and angry w/ myself for being sloppy messy with my emotions…

and i haven’t known how to express it.  i’ve been looking for outlets. couldn’t seem to find it.  hung out w/ Precious K today and today’s reading we did was psalm 2.  all about anger.  yeah–that was Providence!

God knows me oh too well.

btw, the car got fixed for less than $800 – $669 to be exact.  it’s fine.  i have some money from the transfer to help me out w/ paying for step III.  i’m alive right?  why can’t i get this act together?  aaaargh…my four walls are staring me down…

About papillion

Intense Often Moody Transparent Exquisitely sensitive Animated Never satisfied Curious Eternal Romantic Creative Devotedly Christian Encouraging Multi-layered Loving Quick Judge Critical Forever evolving View all posts by papillion

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